A Walk in the Rain by Alison Barnard

Author:Alison Barnard [Barnard, Alison]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
ISBN: 9783956091766
Publisher: édition el!es
Published: 2016-04-15T00:00:00+00:00

PART NINETEEN

Shara stood outside the door to the apartment and tried to control the trembling in her belly. She felt an almost paralyzing nervousness that she knew was partly due to exhaustion. Her eyes burned from lack of sleep and from the bright summer sunshine that seemed determined to make up for the previous evening’s rain, even though it had barely been six in the morning when the taxi had brought her back to Queen’s Quay.

When she felt a bit calmer, she put the key in the lock and turned it, feeling her heart pounding in anticipation of a moment that could change her life. She hesitated before pushing the door open and remembered her quarrel with Derek. Remembered his scoffing at the idea of her being a lesbian, even while inside her the realization was taking root and the pieces were falling into place. She’d stopped listening to what he was saying, barely noticing the disdainful expression on his face, because she was preoccupied with a sudden insight into why she’d always been able to remain detached about the men in her life – even Derek. Why she’d always enjoyed sex with them, but had never felt the near-obsessive physical craving she felt for Jessa, even though they’d never made love. The thought caused her heart to ache.

“Why are you acting like this, Shara? How can you possibly question my motives for coming to see you? I tell you that I’ve missed you and all you seem to want to do is quarrel with me! I thought we could spend some time together and start planning the wedding. Is that so difficult to understand?”

What Derek was saying penetrated her reverie and Shara’s jaw had dropped open in shock. “Derek, I haven’t accepted your proposal.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean you suggested we get married and I never agreed! And even if I had, do you really think that a business trip would have been the best time to work on wedding plans, when you know I’ll be back in the UK in less than two weeks? Why are you trying to rush me into this?”

“Forget the crap about your precious business trip,” he’d said savagely. “Are you implying that you don’t want to marry me?”

“I’m not implying it, Derek, I’m telling you!” Shara shouted at him. “I don’t want, and have never wanted, to marry you. You don’t want a wife, you want an acceptable milestone in your life – preferably one who will stay at home, fawn over you and produce offspring at the same intervals as your superficial, status-obsessed, so-called friends! Before you flew over here to make wedding plans, you should have asked me if I wanted a wedding, but that would have required empathy, consideration, or at least some fucking acknowledgement that my life and wishes carried the same weight as yours!”

As though realizing for the first time the extent to which he’d upset Shara with his presence and assumptions, Derek had relented. “Look, Shara, I’m

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